This notice seen on a court somewhere (a beer will let you in on the secret. Is this not a great idea for our courts, Mr Shannon. Perhaps we can diversify and offer Socks and underpants as well ? A beer for the first person who can identify the player serving from the left.
Again we were without out strong players - Brian on leave and Geoff out after an eye op. No1 Des- Played well taking the first game but his opponent was a good player who won the next three games. (1/3) No2 Paddy- Surprised us with a very gutsy display taking a fit youngster to five sets but ran out of gas in the fifth.(2/3) No3 Bob- Never in it and blasted off the court by a strong player. (0/3) No4 John- Had the easiest of games playing a "fill-in" who had never played league before and was very weak. (3/0) RESULT - Lost 6-12 Afraid our No1 position was short-lived!
Finally a match report for 11th – clearly showing a need for practice and more…vs Germiston at home 1 Johan Carstens 0-3 2 Roger Johnson 0-3 3 Greg Erasmus 0-3 4 Keith Arnott 1-3 So match result 1-16, leaving a lot of room for improvement and highlighting the need for a no1 and 2!! Final result 1-16
So some of the regular players were threatening to arrive inebriated for the league game if they were drafted in this week because of staff functions and other such rubbish. I had to look beyond the stalwarts to our set of competent-but-scarce reserves. Unfortunately they were busy too, so I had to draft in the two Phils – messrs Piper and Norton – to fill the gap. We were up against our arch-nemesis, Parkview and it was imperative that we crush and humiliate them (as is written in the Maoist handbook). No 2. Phil N vs Paul: Mr Norton had been away for 2 weeks in Windhoek eating bratwurst and sauerkraut and then a further week in CT sampling the sweet nectars of the Cape wine farms. Surely he wouldn’t let this affect his game??? As sure as Zimbabwe is a global economic powerhouse… Phil didn’t look his usual self and very generously played numerous shots to mid court for his opponent to practice his drops and drives. There was a brief resistance in the second game, but not enough to guarantee victory. Phil lost 1-3. No. 1 Tom vs ???: Tom had to put in a good performance because his coach was watching the game i.e. a loss would mean court sprints in the next training session. On top of this, Tom took a leaf from Manie’s book and brought a spectator of the female persuasion. Suddenly the drives, boasts and drops were leaving his opponent shaking his head as Tom made short work of him. There was also a test to study for so Tom finished off and went to study Forensic Medicine. Good to know if there’s ever a situation with blood spatter. Tom won 3-0. No. 3 Nigel vs Brian: If only I could have followed on from Tom’s lead. First game was easy 9-0, thought it would be a cake walk. Not so much. Lost the next one and was 7-2 down in the third before I smelt the coffee. Luckily my opposite number was slightly less fit than Jimmy Abbott and I could come back to take that game and the next. Not pretty, but I’ll take the win. Nigel won 3-1. No. 4 Phil vs. Danielle: First time Phil played for us this season and he tore things up. He frustrated Dani by getting her back and then dropping a half inch above the tin. From there on in, her tantrums didn’t help and Phil easily took the match. So, despite a malfunctioning back Phil won 3-0. Final result 13-4
Onward we march...........well I’m not sure if Gavin Martin can remember how to do that.....anyway he can be excused this week as he had a walkover.......well played Big “G’. Up first was yours truly........just a minuscule chink in the armour as I seem to take a bit of time getting going.....I know age is not a problem as that is only mathematical...........anyway convincing 3 – 0 klap was issued. Halfway we are up 6 – 0........should be easy......however......... It finally had to happen..........our esteemed cappy Pete Fillmore’s record...played 3, won.......well .......even worse than the Lions super 14 season .........lost.... ja, well, no, fine......so he dropped himself to the bench to let Dave Hamilton have a game. Result was no different....as he got klapped 0 – 3. The Number 2 spot seems to be a problem !! On next is Graham Vermaak........with a season that has not been the best.........but a few words of pure wisdom from the attentative gallery.....to which he responded with aplomb....a relatively easy win 3 – 0. After match drinks and a bite to eat was a pleasant occasion, however, it was rather spoilt by having to watch that 2 bob outfit Man United play football. Chamber 12 Old Park’s 3 Match result: 12-3
Using a recently acquired Nuvi we got to the Wanderers in double quick time despite passing a few striking robots that resembled unlit parking lots of incorrectly, closely parked cars. On goes Mike who zips to a 7-2 lead and then promptly, without the blink of an eyelid or squish of a squash ball, looses the next 16 points, 2 nil down. As per his legendary second league qualities he pulls back to 2 all and looses his legs in the process. The lady at the water hole, a sweaty, perfumed Jessica, had a fantastic pair and Mike tried to negotiate a swap but no luck. We are talking legs here as Mike’s pair was bigger anyway! The last game was a ding dong affair and Mike was donged out 10-8 after 1 hour and 35 minutes. A great game that matched the Chamber team support with a special guest appearance by Bruce B on his way home. A pity guests cannot play George! On goes Captain George and off goes Captain George who at the end of his gracing the court had the liberty of taking a shower, wasting electricity and water in these shedding times. He played; no he did not play, only appeared on court for a short time and got thrashed, annihilated, crushed, nailed, and squished; other epithets come to mind but are not publishable, but I’m sure you get the drift. There was a hint of him middling the ball three times, not on his strings but his shaft and I mean the graphite one. Quote from GB “I should be ashamed of myself” and the team agreed. The next two games were played in parallel. Our German import Mark, going back on the 20th, played a closely fought game against a younger Justin taking the third and missing out 10-8 in the fourth. Meanwhile there were a lot of Nic’s on the other court. Our Nic was making heavy weather of a day in the office and called one in the third and lost, must be a Greek phenomenon. He then got to 2 all by wupping the Wanderer’s Nic 9-1 who then returned the compliment 1-9 in the fifth. On exiting the court Chamber Nic commented to the scorer “Well I am not as buggered as you were” and then tried to exit the court without opening the door resulting in a shiner on his forehead; another Greek phenomenon. After the match the team was toppled off the top of the league by Wanderers. The team looks forward to return home match and a captain’s choice, as per the golf Rider cup, and we hope that the non-playing captain option is taken! Squash Tip of the Week Lunch time booze and squash do not mix, avoid one or the other. #1: Nic vs. Nic, 2-3: 6-9, 9-6, 8-9, 9-1, 1-9 #2: Mark vs. Justin, 1-3: 3-9, 4-9, 9-5, 8-10 #3: Mike vs. Bruce: 2-3: 7-9, 0-9, 9-7, 9-6, 8-10 #4: George vs. Louis: 0-3: 7-9, 3-9, 2-9 Match score: 5 - 16 8th League vs. Wanderers
7th league took on the might of Bryanston. With our unbeaten No 1 and match reporter absent (baby sitting!!!, just where are his priorities) we had to call for reinforcements from 8th league. Manie on first at 3 and having had some tremendous comebacks in recent weeks from 2-0 down turned the tables this week crushing his opponent 9-2, 9-1 in the first 2 games only to succumb 9-10 in the 3rd (yes he did have a match ball or two) and eventually go down 2-3. Andy on next at 2 suprising everybody (including himself) by taking it 3-0. Captain Paul at 1 playing the lovely Michelle and obviously not focusing entirely on the game lost 3-0. Didn’t even get her phone number, I think he’s losing his touch. Our import Nic on stage last at no 4 came back valiantly in the first from 7-2 down to take it 10-9, raced to a 5-0 lead in the second. Then proceeded to lose 23 points in a row without even breaking serve. Now 2-1 and 6-0 down the fightback began but eventually succumbed 9-7 to lose 3-1. The 12-6 defeat was eased by pizzas in the Bryanston pub and a lemonade or 2. Come back George, you can bring the baby along next time……… Match score: 6-12
Arranged to play at JCC with Chamber due for load shedding Ryan on first against Henry winning the first but then losing the next two 8-10 and going down 1-3. Dirk was on next against Troy with a controlled performance against a good runner – Win 3-1 Phil continued in the familiar vain with a 3-0 win over Rod – who many a time looked for sympathy in gallery after yet another winner from Phil Duncan on last against Harry and with a mix of good length and drops had him running all over the court for a 3-1 win Match Won 13-5 Match result : 13-5
With some impressive forward thinking on the part of the Chairman, we decided to move our home game against Alberton to their courts in order to avoid the load shedding in Emmarentia. Two courts were booked and played on simultaneously. On court one was the injured John (please don’t ask him if he has walked into a door lately) and on court two was Gavin. It seems that Alberton mixed up their line up because John couldn’t have taken more than 20 minutes to clean up surfer boy Clayton who looked more at home on the beach than a on a squash court with his bleach blonde hair and his “Rock Off” T-shirt and baggy shorts (3-0). Gavin was facing sterner stuff on the outside court against an opponent with a double fisted backhand that would make George proud. Gavin was no where in the first game and half of the second game until he finally realised that his opponent was even more unfit than he was and that if he could just move him around he would prevail. This was eventually what transpired although Gavin did make a bit of a meal of it. (3-1). Rich up next on the outside court against Piet, aka Captain Grumpy. If Piet couldn’t win the game fair and square he would do his best to chirp and comment throughout in the hope that someone would listen, perhaps even the marker. Pity his squash did not match his mouth as he succumbed in straight sets. (3-0) Simultaneously was the titanic battle between Ron and Kevin in which a disgraceful performance by Ron cost his side two points and a clean sweep. Strangely Alberton’s best player by some way was playing at no 3. After the first five points, John remarked that Ron had this match sewn up, however John has been known to be wrong once or twice before! A see saw battle ensued punctuated by some brilliant squash from both players. The first four games were shared and in the final game Kevin quickly ran up a 8-4 lead. Clearly Kevin never wanted the match as he squandered at least half a dozen match points allowing Ron to slowly reach parity at 8 all. Then Ron got his chance when he moved to a 9-8 lead but then threw it away himself in a disgraceful fashion allowing Kevin to take the next two points and the match (2-3). Final score 14-4. Squash lesson no 21 – never predict the result of the match after just five points.
Having re-scheduled to play at Wendywood due to the Eskom load shedding, and with a depleted team due to injury (Trevor and Fergus) and our esteemed Captain away at the coast, the Team was only finalised at about 4:00 pm. Shaun, back from three (or was it four) weeks off, went on first at No.2, and though a little rusty, managed to win in 5. Sadesh, Vevek’s friend from Pietermaritzburg, went on next at No.4, assisting Chairman-my-Chairman John Shannon from having to play twice. Sadesh is a little rusty, and was playing against a clever “Rastafarian” who had too many shots. Sadesh got close in the third, but had a few bad calls with the Wendywood marker compensating for an earlier bad call in favour of Sadesh. Lost 3-0 but showed enough promise to improve with more regular games. Vevek then went on at No.1, and after getting to 1-1, ran out a 3-1 victor with his deceptive chop drops too much for his tiring road runner opponent. Finally, Captain-my-Captain, Chris vH went on at No.3, and had to win for the team to win. Fortunately my young opponent was not able to put two shots in a row together, and I managed to win 3-0. Result won 12-6. We were unfortunately rather un-sociable (for the “Home team”) and did not join Wendywood for dinner, but there was a Champions league match on between Liverpool and Arsenal. Match result : 12-6
We had an advantage as they only had 3 players - and Pat and Caroline won easily at number 1 and 2. But then their 3rd player turned out to be by far their best player so poor Megan had a really tough match - but managed to get a game, which brought the score to 13 - 3 win for us. Overall result 13-3
Well, the unbeaten streak came to an end. We got a hiding. Jeff played first against Alan and lost 3-0. Gary played next against Grant and lost 3-1. Francisco played next against Dallas, and won 3-0. Willem played last against can’t remember (but his squash bag was a hard giant Tupperware) and lost 3-1 (after a golf day though). Match Result: 5-12
Lisa 3-0 Claire 0-3 Lynda 3-0 Jenny 3-0 Overall result 12-3
We played the notorious Wits Uni team at home this week - notorious for absolutely cleaning us up last year. Well, things were different this year. We battled to get a team together this week as most of our players were away on business or holiday. Thanks to Matium and Brennan for stepping in at the last minute, and claiming 3-0 victories in the process: P1: Brennan won 3-0 P2: Graeme won 3-2 P3: Johan M lost 2-3 (and will be wearing a skirt for his next match) P4: Matium won 3-0 Final result 14-5
Wednesday night saw us up against Randburg – a team of former Eskom engineers who now make their money fleecing the general population by selling generators and the like. Their team has been together for several years – maybe several too long as evidenced by the nicknames embroidered on their shirts… No. 3 Phil A vs Graeme. Phil was playing against someone code named the “Tequila Express”. No worries. We knew he’d cruise through this one easily. And so he did, sending the Express back to the station in three quick games. The Express later lived up to his name by ordering us a round (on us, of course) of Mexico’s finest. Phil won 3-0. No. 1 Tom vs Eddie. You know there’s going to be trouble when the opponent is nicknamed “Ringer”. His opposite number was unbeaten in the League for the last two years and Tom knew he was up against it. There were some good rallies and Tom was hitting them cleanly. But it wasn’t enough to put the Ringer in his place and despite fighting for every point, Tom went down in 3. Tom lost 0-3. No. 2 Nigel vs Stuart. Recently promoted to the number 2 slot, I had a lot of pressure on me to maintain my top spot in the player rankings. I was playing against “Grumpier”. Apparently last year he was saddled with the name Grumpy, but that didn’t improve his mood so he got it taken one step further this year. By the looks of things, next year will see him as Grumpiest. After a lot of screaming, cursing and racquet throwing he took a game off me to end my unbeaten streak. Not exactly attractive squash, but I managed to eke out a win. Nigel won 3-1. No. 4 Paul vs Darrel. Paul’s last game was a forgettable series of loose shots and tin. Now he was up against “The Dazzler”. This time there were none of the errors from past matches though and he took the shine off the Dazzler going two games up 9-4, 9-4. And then, in the third game, just for something different, he won 9-4. So, another good evening for us. We commiserated with Randburg afterwards at Dros over the aforementioned tequilas and a few litres of fermented hops. Final result 12-4
We unfortunately lost our first game of the season to Western Racquets 6-9 as follows:- Graham and Peter both lost 0-3 to up and coming youngsters Digby won 3-1 and was in two of the games 3-8 down but somehow fought back to win both these games. An easy win for Gavin at 3-0. Match result: 6-9
Vs the once mighty S / Suburbs at home. The only action was a post 4pm call to the chairman to inform us they couldn’t raise a team. So a walkover and 16 points in the bag. However used the time for a light practice followed by a team bosberaad over a few amstels and supper at Doppio. Discussed last years treasurer’s embezzlement of team funds in Germany and promptly officially fired Baron Mark Van Niekerk. By popular demand Doc Fallon was duly installed in this most prestigious and demanding position. Match score: 16-0
For the second time, the well blended team of youth and experience headed far away from home, on their next quest to achieve the elusive top spot for the year. Just like Southern Suburbs a few weeks before, passports were packed, yellow fever inoculations were updated, but this time we also added a few gum guards and the odd weopon. Things started off a bit worrying at the courts/gym. With some loud thumping disco type music blaring from the kickboxing studio a few meters away, it was clearly affecting the normally stoic concentration levels of our master-blaster, Andy. It was either the music, or the philosophical questions that were running through his head, such as "Why are there only ladies in the kickboxing class, and how do they get their legs up so high ?" Andy struggled to 1 all against a dogged tricky opponent, played some lovely lob-drops and some beautiful drop-lobs before coming short 3-1 in the final picture. However, the now very dependable Manie, pulled on his squash kit, and headed into the fray to restore the balance. Missing some vital components in his psychological game plan this week, as his attractive partner did not attend as chief leader of cheer, he appeared nervous at first, and after the first game, made his team mates very worried as he lost it. Could this be a sign of some curse that the 'south' has over us ? But after some hasty tactical readjustment and a small dose of long distance running, Manie did his usual trick and won the next three games on the trot. So, 1 match all....... And who was that that coming out of the shadows for the next game ? Is that Captain Loake I see ? Finally after introducing himself to both the opposing team as well as his own team, Captain P made his debut appearance for the team this year. I could wax lyrically about the deft moving around the court, the high lobs that came down to the floor like a wet pieces of mud, the straight drops that are right out of the 'Womans Squash for Geriatrics' handbook, but i wont, as i did not see the game, as i managed to go onto another court. But let the record show that Paul took the match 3-0. Things looking better for the team.... George had started about the same time as Paul, and not knowing the outcome of the game, knew he had to win. His opponent was all over the court, chasing anything down. This running game suits George, so he knew he was in with a chance. With the score at 1-1, the third game started of badly. Perhaps his opponent turned up the gas, or perhaps it was the cute brunette that was watching the game from the exercise bike next to the marker who kept winking at his rapidly reducing frame. Who knows, but when the dust started clearing (and the girl got off the bike), George was 8-0 down. A gutsy attitude forced the marker to keep ticking the numbers on the scorecard, until eventually, at hand-in on 9-9, a straight drive won the point. The last game was 9-0 to George. So 3-1 to the Big Man. All in all, a good night for the team. Word of warning, play early, and shower early. The hot water runs out very quickly down there. Match score: 13-5
Gavin on first losing 3-1 in game he could have won – was probably thinking of leave already! Phil went on next and put on a clinical display against Eugene, winning 3-0. Duncan was on third, the game was far too easy (except for a lapse in 2nd allowing the opponent to get some respectable points) and Duncan may as well have taken a walk over and saved himself the trip to the South. Ryan on last against Shaun with a win of 3-1. Match result : 13-4
By the time Gavin B arrived while John was playing, he assumed that Ron Hagger was still to play given that Ron was looking fresh as a daisy. It was only much later that he was told by the team that Ron had already played. Ron had barely broken a sweat in winning 3-0 against a player who made unforced errors into a fine art! John was up next. The first game see-sawed, with the opponent looking like taking the first game but relaxed too soon and John managed to sneak the first 10-9. It was simple from there on as the Silver Fox easily took the next two for another 3-0 win. Gavin up next and it was more of the same. Only 12 points were lost in a straight forward win (3-0). With the match secured, it was left to Org to save face against Captain Chris (aka Richard). The first two games went the way of the previous 11 but the final game was a lot closer as the opponent went into a 8-4 lead. It was not to be though and I managed to pull it through for a clean sweep 3-0. Final result 16-0 and it was all over by 20:45 and plenty of time to watch some great squash with the 3rd team and have dinner at Nuno’s. Match result : 16-0
Dave, Captain-my captain, went on first at No.3 against their No4 John, due to having visitors at home to entertain. Won the first after being behind for most of the game. Lost the second, but then managed to finish the next two, despite injuring his calf in the fourth (a fact not noticed by his opponent, and if truth be known not by his team either!) Won 3-1. Next on was yours truly the stand in Captain at No.4 against a youngster who was faster than greased lightning. Quickly moved to being 2-0 down, before squeaking in 10-9 in the third. Won the next comfortably, then ran out of steam in the 5th losing that 9-6. Lost 3-2 Vivek went on next at 2 against Kuben and won 3-1. Finally, in a re-play of last Thursdays Masters league match, Trevor went on at No.1 against Merrick, with the same marker in Kuben. Trevor won the first and seemed to be in control to repeat the 3-1 win of the last week. However, Merrick was his usual tenacious self, and with a mixture of playing for the stroke and generally up-setting Trevor, he won the second, and the third and the fourth. Trevor did not help matters by forgetting to play squash and trying to play against the marker, after a few close, but correct, calls by Kuben who handled the match well under difficult conditions. Had football rules been applied to this match, the result would have been a number of yellow, and possibly even red cards. Lost 3-1 Final result won 11-8 Match Result: 12-8 PS. Squash lesson no 22 (as this is rudimentary) – play the game not the ref.
Willem played first, again against an over energetic youngster. Before Willem knew it he was 0-2 down. He dug in and ran Leron tired, managing to win 3-2. Jeff played next against Roddy Cole-Edwards. Jeff wasn’t in the match, Roddy, still a very handy player, won 3-0 pretty quickly. Francis played Grant Bourne and I thought it would be a long match, but Francis was on fire and beat Grant 3-0 easily. Gary played last against Neil Buckle. Scraped the first but then lost the next 2, and broke his racquet at the end of the 3rd game. 3rd league was facing their first loss. New racquet and a tired Neil helped and then it was 2-2. This could go to a points count out, which we could have lost. Gary went 8-3 up, but took some time to finally finish it off 9-5. Francisco 3-0 Willem 3-2 Jeff 0-3 Gary 3-2 Result: 12-7. That puts us on 69 points after 5. Match Result: 12-5
Jenny won 3 - 2 having played a stunning game. Caroline lost 2 - 3 a really good game, but should have won the 5th. Megan lost 3 - 0 but played well - better than the score reflects Lisa lost 3 - 0 - but is starting to relax and get into league squash. Overall result 5-16
Lisa 3-1 Nadine 0-3 Claire 0-3 Lynda 3-2 Overall result 6-11
