11th LEAGUE vs Old Eds

Played Old Eds (away, together with 2 more Chamber teams)

Paddy, at # 2, was on first and very quickly off again, losing 0-3.

Des, at # 3 on next and played well with a good win 3-0 so games equal.

John, at # 4 then really got down to business and played his best squash of the year. Good points interspersed with his usual unique vocal enthusiasm, had an excellent 3-0 win.

Geoff, at# 1, needing a game to secure a win, quickly went 2-0 ahead. Then lost the next 2 games but came back in the fifth for a good 3-2 win.


Geoff bt Jonothan 3-2

Paddy lost to Jake 0-3

Des bt Darren 3-0

John bt Patrick 3-0

A 12-5 win for 11th league.

Final result : 12 – 5

10th LEAGUE vs Wendywood

I didn’t arrive at the club until 6.50 by which time we had already lost the first game of the second match so things were looking somewhat ominous and that is how it transpired.

Cannot say much about the first match (Johan Carstens against Billy) except for giving the result.


13 – 15, 7 – 15 and 11 – 15

Roger on next against Joe never really got started and also lost 3 – 0.


8 – 15, 10 – 15 and 6 – 15

At last a ray of hope in the 3rd match with Paul taking the first game against Alec. Unfortunately this turned out to be a false dawn and the next three games went to the opposition for a 3 – 1 victory.

Last, and by all means least, was myself versus Johan. The first game was going quite well until 14 – 9 up when the wheels started to fall off and I lost it 17 – 15. Tried to be competitive in the next two but couldn’t get the momentum back going down 3 – 0.


15 – 17, 11 – 15 and 11 – 15

Match result – 1/16

Thanks to Paul for saving the whitewash

Final result :1 - 16

9th LEAGUE vs Old Eds

Minus our usual captain (Nigel) who was roped in to help out the snot sniveling 8th league B team (ask them who was the only winner), we arrived at a crowded Old Eds to discover that just about the entire Chamber club was playing there as well. Including the 8(B) team. We had strict instructions from our “absent” captain to get a 16 this time out after the poor showing against Jeppe last week. So as the record shows we were in no mood to be taking no prisoners.

Phil went on first against diminutive Rael and struggled to find form in the first game. Slowly his game improved though and it was plain sailing from there on, despite some very questionable let appeals from Rael, which marker Brennan generously conceded. It became clear during this match that it was going to be a long night, due to the Murray factor. He is the self proclaimed Old Eds cheer-leader. Whispering George has some serious competition from this lad, who was in good spirit. Not sure how much spirit he consumed before going on court against Steph, but it was substantial. Besides loudly cheering on his team mates he was not shy with helpful advice to both his mates and the marker during the matches.

Murray started off with some blistering serves, fast body-liners and tricky reverse angles, gaining him the first 5 or 6 points. However, once I stopped panicking and watched the ball, Murray struggled a bit and was summarily dispatched.

Lyal took on Blaiz and showed that Moroccan visits do little harm to his squash. A bit rusty on the first few points, but solid from then on.

Finally, the match of the evening, Brennan against the “youngster” Marnus, who was attentively watched by his girlfriend. It turns out that Marnus is a runner who likes bouncing off the walls. Particularly the glass wall. I swear the back panels distorted about 50cm. on first impact. Scary! Brennan fearlessly stood up to the barrage, but played some loose cross courts in the first game to let Marnus win. The second game was similarly close, but with Brennan prevailing, Marnus’ enthusiasm was somewhat dampened. Brennan now had the measure of his opponent and ran him off the court.

So we got our 16 points. But there was a price to pay. We had to endure the Murray onslaught at the Old Eds bar. When I left at about 22h30 he was pretty much incoherent. I wasn’t doing too well either having had about 6 beers forced on me.

The return match, being the season ender will be brutal.

Rael Segal vs Phil Alves @1 15/9; 9/15; 11/15; 14/16 49/55 1/3

Marnus ? vs Brennan @2 19/17; 17/19; 9/15; 5/15 50/66 1/3

Blaiz ? vs Lyal @3 13/15; 5/15; 9/15 27/45 0/3

Murray Stewart vs Steph @4 8/15; 8/15; 7/15 23/45 0/3

Totals: 149/211 2/12

Final result :8 - 8

8th league “B” vs. Old Eds

Not a good result for us this week after our high from beating the A side last week. We had to borrow Nigel from the 9th league who showed us up by being the only player from Chamber to win.

  1. Peter Fillmore lost 0-3 game over in 5 minutes
  2. Peter Le Roux lost 1-3 youngster wore Pete down with his boasts
  3. Dave Hamilton lost 2-3 close finish in the 5th. Game could of gone either way
  4. Nigel Morgan won 3-2 played well and saved us from a whitewash.

Match result : 6 - 14

8th League “A” vs. Winchester Hills

Last match before the winter sabbatical vs. Winchester away. Unfortunately a piece of cake and not leaving much too report.

On first at no 4 Nick Pappa. Three tight games but he made no mistakes and took it 3 -- 0.

Followed on by Paul Fallon at no 2. Also a fairly straight forward affair winning 3 -- 1.

Next George at no 3. Hardly a sweat raised and home and dry 3 -- 0.

Last Brucie B at # 1. But no fireworks needed to also polish it off 3 -- 0.

And so ended the first half at a local eating establishment in the deep south -- very pleasant I might add --- and on a high note 16 -- 1.

Match score: 16 - 1

7th League vs. Dainfern

Good win for the 7th League against the log leaders - Winchester Hills (sounds like a cowboy movie)

All 5 setter games and Chambers won on a points count!!

Duncan played Clint and lost 2-3

Tough last game with a very tired Duncan just losing out.

Gerhard played Brian and lost 2-3

Ditto but Gerhard losing out.

Manie played Lewellyn and won 3-2

Played like a true captain!!

Stuart played Donovan and won 3-2

Stuart’s birthday and his wife was there in support……..promising him a dinner and???? If he won. He really had to dig deep but won comfortably in the end!

Pizza’s and beer afterwards were excellent.

From the pen of the professional (as per Manie’s comment) scribe

Gerhard Botha

Match score: 12 - 10

6th League vs Old Eds

With Gavin B (G-bow) playing for 5th and George Palmer (therealG) away, Dirk (G-nius) was ensconced as captain

Dirk at 1 - won 3-1

Gavin G (g-spot) - lost 0-3 against their no1

Sadesh won 3-1

Dimitri won 3-2

Overall 12-7 WIN

Clearly 6th does best without their captain (won last 2 matches comfortably) so i am happy to be T-girl

Match result : 12 - 7

5th League vs Wendywood

Going into the match against the top side in the league, we knew it was not going to be easy and so it proved to be.

Flip – playing at two got the ball rolling at 16:00 (keen or what?). Sorry for not watching your game, Flip, but it was a touch early for us late starters. A straight sets loss apparently belied the closeness of the match and Flip was competitive but was not able to pull it through when it mattered. (0-3)

Ryan – defending his recent excellent run at number one, Ryan came up against a game Warren. Ryan was cruising in the first two games taking them easily. Ryan got a bit loose in the third and let Warren back in the game and he took the momentum narrowly taking the next two games. Ryan looked to be out of it in the final game but dug deep to take it on his second match point 15-13 for a 3-2 win.

Rich up next, cruised through the first game against Gordon Ashby. Thinking this was going to be easy he promptly lost the plot in the next two, losing them far too easily. The fourth was a complete turnaround with Rich taking the game to Gordon and had all the nicks on his side winning it 15-7. The last game was a topsy turvey affair, with Rich seemingly down and out early on but a big effort and he took it on his second match point 16-14. (3-2)

Gavin was last on knowing that the winner of this match would clinch it overall for their respective side. The match was over before we could return from our (cold) shower. By all accounts, Gavin was too loose, too slow and made too many errors. Just not his night! (0-3)

A credible showing but still not good enough in the end.

Match result : 6 - 12

4th LEAGUE vs Pirates (& P..cock)

Chris on first started off brilliantly and getting to 9 comfortably, unfortunately the brain switched off and didn’t switch on again until the 3rd, which of course he won. The legs were weary by then and the fourth was narrowly lost – no thanks to a “good stroke call against him” near the end by the Silver Fox (who as you all know has never been known to make a bad call). So 3-1 down.

So the Silver Fox having survived dirty looks from his team-mate lost the first game 23-21 (no bad calls here from the P..cock), won the 2nd comfortable, lost the 3rd narrowly, won the 4th comfortably and at 8-13 down, fought back to 13-14 down in the 5th with the oppo getting very tired, and then came the “Mother of all Calls” from P..cock – no let……………….. because the ball was too tight against the wall – what could I say, I appealed to the referee, (respectfully of course as Sven taught us), but to no avail!!!!!!!!!!!!! So a TRAGIC, UNDESERVED 2-3 loss for the Fox. I think I’m going to insist on a ref in future.

Vevek on next did well to win a game but lost 3-1 overall.

Lastly on went P..cock to try and salvage some pride (for the team and for his marking performance). At 2-0 up he was cruising but then his opponent started to claw back winning the 3rd and 4th closely 15-10 and 16-14. So the inevitable happened with Mr P..cock going down 2-3 (I blame his marking performance personally, but that’s all forgotten now (as if).)

So a hammering was taken, although a very competitive one it was.

Match result : 6 - 16

3rd LEAGUE vs Winchester Hills

Francis played first against Grant Bourne. Grant won the first, and although the next 2 games were close, Francis won them both and wore Grant down (Francis was 10-14 down in the 3rd). The 4th was a walk in the park for our Frankie.

Jeff played next against Brian. Got a hiding in the first 2 but started coming back in the 3rd. Was around 8-3 up and then Brian came back and won the match.

Mike played next against Leron. Mike didn’t know where the ball was going most of the time (I don’t think Leron did either), lots of nicks, lots of ‘trick’ shots and Mike lost.

Gary played last against (another) boom boom Duncan. Again, no clue, game over.

Francisco 3-1

Mike 0-3

Gary 0-3

Jeff 0-3

Match Result: 3 - 13

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 02 vs Edenvale

Well we lost by 1 point against Edenvale - but all had good games.

Caroline and Pat lost 1-3 and Belinda and Chrisna won 3-1

Overall result 8 - 10

Ladies 3rd LEAGUE 01 vs BYE

Ladies 3rd LEAGUE 01 vs BYE

Overall result:

8th League Chamber A away to Chamber B, 14th May 2009

This report is being penned from deepest Africa surrounded by fellow, sun-tanned passengers at 0410 hrs waiting for a plane that will transport us in sheer luxury across the rich, deep blue, mortar-less skies of Angola from Luanda to Dundo. A much flown plane with the most recent Brabanti designed garden chairs with rope like seat belts that clip in with a reef knot.

In contrast the local 8th league Derby (Chamber B vs. Chamber A) was played in the plush surroundings of the Johannes Country Club (CCJ). A venue chosen by the obviously more affluent Chamber Exile members; it helps to be called Peter. The under floor heating was unfortunately not turned on but the opulent setting left a positive impression on our guest female partners. Conjecture about the reasons for certain parties not sharing this opportunity with their girlfriends wives has one wondering.

A combined 110+ years of squash talent graced the court as Gavin played Michael in the first match and the former thrashed the latter. Michael did manage to get a game but the paltry 5 points scored in the last would end up being the undoing of the mighty A side. Palindromic Mike played badly, not moving, not thinking, basically mucking up his own find. Talking of thinking, a thought. Did having Gavin’s wife, Barbara scoring and guided by her husband on the rules and eligibility of lets influence the result?

On an adjacent court the two captains Peter and George were doing battle. Encouragement from George’s wife, Liz and daughter, who can play squash, could not sway the outcome of this ding dong affair. 1-0, 1-1, 1-2 (George got this sown up), 2-2, 3-2 (lost to 13). Later overheard gallery talk included “George never listens to us anyway, so no change tonight!”

Two nil down and Chamber A not looking good as the elder statesman bombed out. A semblance of expected form was restored when fashion conscious Nic reversed the first match score (1-3) by beating Peter. Hope the blood test went well Nic!

Fourth match of the evening saw Graham take on Bruce watched by their much better looking partners, new piece of fluff (info gleaned from his team mates) and wife; Ronel and Jan respectively. Bruce’s marathon like fitness came to the fore and he fought back from 2-1 down to win. Another testament to Bruce’s fitness is that he can do it 7 times more on a Vespa. Something to do with being more economical than a Land Rover. Dining table talk included the merits and demerits of sushi and mushy peas. Ronel’s culinary knowledge did not stretch to this exotic delicacy and when asking what they tasted like the reply came back like “squashed pe—s”. Ni this is not true! Apparently Bruce is a great sushi maker and Jan really enjoys eating raw fish and yes sushi is more healthy.

Last match of the night and decider saw “economy of movement” Dave take on Lefty Paul. This was watched by the entire gallery and even got Gerda, Mike’s wife and not squash’s greatest supporter, slightly excited. Something Mike can’t do anymore; an age thing, darn toy boys! Paul won a tight 3-2 match. Dave also struggles with numbers and emulated a fellow 8th league squash players antics of leaving the court at 14, someone must also tell him that 15 is required for the game.

You ask why 5 matches when league is 4 matches. The reason was to get all the players involved (admirable) which should have been 6. Unfortunately Digby cried foul with a sore back which is a prerequisite for a golf tour starting the following day. Fortunate in a way for the A side as Mark was holidaying working inDonesia.

So Chamber A won 3 matches to 2. This should have been the end of the report and thus a true representation of the 8th league squash standings and continuation of the bragging rights. Unfortunately it was agreed that a draw would be made and the first four out of the hat would score. This resulted in 9 games all and a 9 points deficit for Chamber A.

A fantastic evening was brought to a close after a wonderful meal and even the requests from the CCJ stamp collecting society, a real sticky bunch, who had dropped in for a tipple could not persuade us to stay. The return match will be much anticipated by all and especially the Chamber A players who were robbed by a Lotto type victory and will be keen to set the records straight again.

Well done Chamber B!

Squash tip of the week:

Not game related but the bringing of wives, concubines, family members and partners was the winner on the night. However, maybe only once during the season!


Graham vs. Bruce 2-3: 16-18,15-12, 15-10, 13-15, 8-15

Peter LR vs. Nic 1-3: 10-15, 12-15, 15-9, 13-15

Gavin vs. Michael 3-1: 15-12, 12-15, 15-13, 15-5

Peter F vs. George 2-3: 12-15, 15-10, 10-15, 15-10, 15-13

Match Score 9-11

Kind Regards from Cassanguidi, Angola

Michael Hunt

11th LEAGUE vs Germiston


We all really tried hard but this year Germiston only has one league team and they entered late and could only get a slot in 11th League. These guys are probably 6th to 8th League standard and it showed!

No 1 - Brian. Lost 1/3

No 2 - Geoff. Lost 1/3

No 3 Des. Lost 1/3

No 4 Bob. Lost 0/3

Final result : 3 – 16

11th LEAGUE vs Southern Suburbs (22nd April)

As per Gauteng Squash ruling confirmed in John's email dated 17th April and not hearing from Southern Suburbs to the contrary, we (Brian; Geoff; Des and me) duly arrived at Suburbs at 18h30 to find the courts locked and in darkness with no Suburbs players there. As it was their home game I would have expected them to have contacted us if they were not going to play and we all agreed that this should have been the case. We waited until 18h45 in the dark on our own and then discovered that there are still some authentic Portuguese restaurants in the south and duly enjoyed some traditional Portuguese cuisine and a few bottles of red before retiring to our warm beds.

I am therefore going to fax a result sheet to Jeannie at Gauteng Squash claiming the walk-over.

9th LEAGUE vs Jeppe

A change in the weather this week was prophetic of a change in our run of victories. As the storm clouds gathered in the east, so our campaign to stay at the top of the log was to take a battering. That being said, the Jeppe team that we played against was very sharp and we’ll have to step up a gear in the second half of the league season if we want to win this thing.

No. 1 Phil vs Shaun: Phil was recently promoted to the top of the pile following his impressive form. But using this as a litmus test of his new position may be a little unfair. His opponent, Shaun, was a killer player. Phil’s game looked good in general and if it wasn’t for his forehand finding a constant beat and rhythm in the tin, he might have squeaked in with a win. As it was though, his forehand was less reliable than the Metrobus service. His match was interrupted by a thunderstorm of biblical proportions – probably one of the few times when inclement weather has affected a squash game. The interruption wasn’t because of a flooded court though, it was just that the players couldn’t hear the marker through the cacophonous cloudburst. On resumption of play, Phil put up some stern resistance to get a game, but then the match slid out of his grasp.

No. 3 Nigel vs Graeme: In much the same way as Phil was promoted to the number 1 spot, I was demoted to a ranking more befitting of my form. The guy I was playing runs 40km a week as part of his general fitness regime. Fine then, I wasn’t going to outrun the man. Once I’d gotten over the idea that any kind of cross-court shot was suicide with this ex-tennis player, we had some good rallies and all of the games were close. Luckily, the majority went my way and I came out ahead with only a six point difference between us.

No. 2 Brennan vs Paul: Brennan had changed his shoes, his strings and been on holiday since his last league game, but none of it did him any good as he was blasted away in three quick games. I didn’t get to see the match, but Brennan told me he was abysmal – quote, unquote. I have sympathy with his plight because I was destroyed by the same player in our league game last year. So it was three nil down and not looking good for the evening.

No. 4 Steph vs Detlef: It was all down to Steph in the end to see whether he could win the match 3-0 and give us a chance at winning the evening on points. Unfortunately, he went down in the first game and after that it was left to pride and the fact that Steph had fought his way through traffic to get to Jeppe and then walked through hail to get to the courts. So there was no way he was going to let this one slip past him. He demolished Detlef in the next game, but then lost the third only to cruise through the fourth game. A five setter it was and Steph pulled through after a tight final game.

But we were left in the loser’s corner and had to settle for a good dinner at the local Primi courtesy Jeppe.


1. Phil lost 1-3: 13-15; 11-15; 15-6; 8-15.

2. Brennan lost 0-3: 6-15; 8-15; 7-15.

3. Nigel won 3-1: 15-11; 16-18; 15-13; 16-14.

4. Steph won 3-2: 13-15; 15-4; 12-15; 15-5; 15-12.

9th LEAGUE vs Bryanston (22nd April)

It was eerily quiet on Wednesday on arrival at Chambers. It seems that everyone and their sister was busy getting their thumbs inked, leaving only a handful of us to keep the squash courts company. We weren’t necessarily looking for a two thirds majority (although that would’ve been nice), just about any majority would have done for the evening. Seems as if we were destined to fight this one through to the end though.

No. 1 Brennan vs Sven: Brennan was returning from a head cold and was looking for an easy game. Perhaps he was relieved that the match was limited to three games. Unfortunately all three went the wrong way. Sven was precise with his shots and his length was spot on. Brennan was never really in the game, but vows that the return leg will be a different story.

No. 2 Nigel vs Nolan: Same story as Brennan’s game with Nolan making a feast of my ineptitude. Any loose shot I playing (and there were many) was dropped with precision. This is one I hope to forget in all haste. It seems as if my run of bad form continues and will have to drop myself down the order for my sins.

No. 3 Phil vs Jason: Didn’t get to see this game because it was over too quickly, but by all accounts Phil was on fire with his opponent rarely getting past his serve. With the top order failing in spectacular fashion, Phil was there to restore some pride for us. As a special reward for his performance, Phil gets to be promoted up the order in place of a shameful number 2.

No. 4 Steph vs Gerald: Steph had to win this one 3-0 for the team even to have a sniff of a chance at taking the evening. But pressure is nothing to our Steph. Taking the first easily, there was a bit of a panic in the second, but he pulled it back nicely and then won the third game with some convincing shots. Good game to watch with Bryanston well aware that they only needed a single game to win the evening.

So now it was all down to points – I thought we’d lost it by the heavy losses at positions 1 and 2. But Phil and Steph had put in gargantuan performances and the end result was 6 games all and 143 points all. A draw. Maybe an appropriate result for Voting Day with no-one left out in the cold as a minority.

With all five courts to choose from, we had two matches being played simultaneously and the evening was done and dusted by 8pm. No supper because some of the players still had to vote.


1. Brennan lost 0-3: 6-15; 12-15; 5-15.

2. Nigel lost 0-3: 14-16; 7-15; 8-15.

3. Phil won 3-0: 15 -2; 16-14; 15-7.

4. Steph won 3-0: 15-8; 15-12; 15-9.

Final result :8 - 8

8th league “B” vs. Pirates

Well whatever next………..we played adjacent to the ‘ruffians……that is 8A…….and this my fellow comrades is an education on it’s own……..with ‘charge out rate @ R1000 per minute George Bowen leading the chorus………..and I might add……times are tough……….it used to be R2500 per minute!!

Let it be said ……….your support was great……..Thank you George

However, while watching 8A being given a hard time by Wits………who by the way got thumped by 8B………….I couldn’t help but notice some very dubious on-court behaviour………..that is Chamber Exiles 8A………….although I was unable to attend the umpiring course the other week……….I thought that in the PAR scoring……..a player had to get to 15 before claiming the game………..not according to Mike Hunt………….new rules……..you get to 14………….walk off the court and claim the game……….sit down……….have a glass of water………then ……..well OK if you insist…….we’ll carry on to 15………nice try.

Then if that is not enough……… Nick Papa whilst getting an absolute hiding of note……….and at the same time is getting the run around………..big time……….he proceeds to just sit down on the court……………and declares that he is tired……………this is not lekker???

Ruffians…………the dust up is scheduled for 13th May……next week……don’t come with these fancy pants tricks………..they are not going to work.

Anyway onto the real business……..no doubt about it……………..AWESOME ………..absolutely awesome…….victory at it’s very best……….well…….not quite a white wash…….but nearly!!

Up first is our stand in cappy Pete Le Roux……who this week steps up to the plate and takes the number 1 spot……….I didn’t get to see the game……..but apparently played against an ex 6th leaguer………Pete played OK……….but not really in it……..got klapped 3 duck.

On next………Mr lazy…….Dave Hamilton………..never ceases to amaze……….as he tries to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory………..however, manages to squeeze home 3 – 2.

This now leaves “The big fella’s to do it all………..again”

Up next is ol’ amkrokokoko Big ‘G’ Gavin Martin……..against Max……..who tested the umpire with some quite pathetic asks for ‘strokes and lets’. Anyway, experience and guile won the day or should I say the evening as Big ‘G’ handed out a klap 3 duck.

So we are 6 – 5 up and the sports reporter is up next against their former number 1……..who I’m told klapped Big ‘G’ last year and whomever from the ruffians a month or so ago.

Anyway………man I love it when a plan comes together………and wait for it………..yebo……….. I’ll have to repeat myself for a third week in a row……….. pure class and skill ………and lovely to watch…same as last 2 weeks, however, this time came from behind being 2 down and due to supreme fitness whipped him 3 - 2.

Cheers for now


Match result : 12-7


Herewith the match report for the local Emmerentia derby, between Chamber 8A and Chamber 8B

Following numerous postponements due to disputes around appearance fees, crowd control etc., the match eventually took place at the neutral CCJ venue on Wednesday 13 May. Given that this is the biggest local rivalry, playing at No.1 or No.4 is not at all relevant, the players are matched up according to previous experiences (mostly bad), and given the opportunity to settle old scores, reopen old wounds and, at the end of the day, the winning team earns the bragging rights until the next clash. Herewith the results of the games, in the order played (Chamber B was the home team):

Gavin Martin vs Mike Hunt 3-1

This game started very evenly with the two old farts trading blows and getting to 1-1 without too much drama or any life-threatening injuries. Gavin started getting the upper hand in the third game thereafter Mike capitulated and handed him a comfortable 3-1 victory.

Peter Fillmore vs George Bowen 3-2

The battle of the captains was always going to be a titanic struggle. George tried to intimidate his opponent with his double handed backhand drives down the forehand side and his crosscourt three-wall backhand boasts, but Pete had his number. After going down 1-2, he fought back and clinched a tense 5th, which in fairness, could have gone either way.

Peter le Roux vs Nic Papa 1-3

This was a closer encounter than the score suggests. All the games were evenly matched, with a few critical points (Nicks?) deciding each game. The first game going to Nic after he pulled out a few good winners to clinch the game. The second was even closer with Nic claiming it 15-13. Peter came back strongly in the 3rd, taking advantage of tiring Nic. At 13 all in the 4th it was all to play for, but Nic managed to draw on his last bit of energy and wrapped it up, winning 3-1.

Graham Vermaak vs Bruce Bydawell 2-3

This is always a hotly contested match up and once again the players provided the growing audience with a humdinger of a game. After losing the first game, Graham came back strongly to win the next two, going up 2-1. The 4th again proved to be the deciding game. After being behind for most of the game, Bruce clawed his way back to 13 all and won 15-13. The comeback continued into the 5th with the mean machine kicking into overdrive to clinch the match 3-2.

So, after the fat lady (Susan Boyle?) had sung, we were 9-9 in games and had to pull out the calculators to add up the points. After much debate and recounting (Zimbabwean style), the so-called snot snivellers (sic) had beaten the mighty A-Team and regained (or retained) all the bragging rights, for at least another 3-4 months.

Match result: 11-9

After cooling off in the steam bath, we retired to the members bar, joined by some of our supporters (wives and significant others), and enjoyed a great meal and a few pints. All in all a fantastic evening’s entertainment, no yellow or red cards, no citings, no disputed calls, no racquet abuse etc. We are looking forward to the rematch.

PS There was a rumour doing the rounds that there was a fifth match between Dave Hamilton and Paul Fallon, which Paul won 3-2. However we have not been able to confirm this report, and after all there can only be four games in a league match.

PPS This report supersedes all other reports on this match. There is only one version of the truth, so please ignore any other report that may be doing the rounds

8th League “A” vs. Wits

Bring on the WITS intellectuals, never mind, the squash team arrived instead.

Nic pitches early, actually on time, not like the rest of the team, plays at 3 and looses all three. Blimey what a “skubala” of a game he played. There was a lack of match tactics adjustment and Barcelona patented diving; the crowd scored 9.8 for artistic impression and 6.6 for technical difficultly. There is a concern of a repeat performance at the rescheduled (for the umpteenth time) Derby game against Chamber B next week on the 13th . Nic has assured Captain George not to worry and readers can contact him for the meaning of the Greek word “skubala”.

Mark, Indonesia bound, played Roheeeeeeet who had a deceptively angelic appearance that reminded one of persons seen in London, 7th July 2005. Mark is still trying to perfect his “stand back and admire my top spin, forehand, drop shot played from behind the opponent”. Fortunately he abandoned the SBAAMTSFDS and reverted to Amr Shabana-type squash in the last two games to win from 2-1 down.

Bruce wore out a playful Mohammed. Sighter the first game and then a slow death over the next three. Shot of the match came from Bruce and as per business talk had “strategic intent”. It was a hard, fast, pile driver up the middle missing Mo by millimeters (poor aim Bruce!). It so scared Mo’s piles and a hole that the next couple of points were won with ease.

Last, must-win match and Mike graces the boards with a few less kilo’s of wobbling jelly. His opponent suffered a bleeding nose before the start and this must have been the reason for a piss poor effort. No, Mike did not hit him and could have won playing upside down, underwater, without a snorkel. There was a potential COTY award. At 14-4 in the first game Mike walks off, Desmond is confused, marker flabbergasted and the crowd stunned. “What are you doing?” was the shout. Mike pleaded ignorance, the crowd thought arrogance, and mumbled something about still learning the PAR scoring system and went back on court; played a sublime, disguised cross court backhand drop to prove the point of the early exit!

A benched Captain George came to vocally support (must have lost his volume remote controller), get his WWAA and watch his troops win 12-6.


WWAA; Weekly Wednesday Amstel Allowance

Squash Tip of the Week

In the cold weather getting a length is difficult; ask the ladies, oops I digress, so you have to stroke the ball well and aim for the back wall nick.

#1: Bruce,Bydawell- vs. MOHAMED,MAYET 13-15 15-9 15-4 15-11

#2: Mark,van Niekerk- vs. ROHEET,CHUNILAL 15-8 16-15 16-18 15-7 15-8

#3: SANJA,DAYA- vs. Nic,Papatheodorou 15-13 15-11 15-8

#4: Michael,Hunt- vs. Desmond,Simon-15-4 15-12 15-10

Match score: 12 - 6

7th League vs. Dainfern

I’m sure someone wrote a report but I can’t find it, sorry…………….

Duncan won 3-1

Manie lost 1-3

Jacques won 3-0

Stuart won 3-1

Match score: 13 - 5

6thth League vs Southern Suburbs

No report but without the top 2 players…………………..

Dirk won 3-1

Gavin G won 3-1

Sadesh won 3-0

Dimitri won 3-1

Match result : 16 - 3

5th League vs Wits

Ryan is enjoying a good run at number one and continued his good form taking no prisoners in a 3-0 whitewash.

Big George (filling in at 3) played what can be best described as a shocker. Mistakes were the order of the day as a new tin mine was opened on the court. The real George managed to put in a guest appearance in the second game but still went down in double quick time. (1-3)

Gavin B (also filling at 4) also had a tough nut to crack as the first two games were shared. It looked to be going down to the wire but Gavin won the points that counted in a tough but ultimately comfortable 3-1 win

Captain Rich (playing at 2) played probably his best match of the season (admittedly not saying much) against young whipper snapper, Dylan. All the shots were working and all the nicks found when they were needed. (3-1)

Second win on the trot and third this season. Things are starting to look up!

Match result : 13 - 5

5th League v Alberton (Previous week)

Ryan was sublime in a straight sets win. (3-0)

Unusually Rich had a comfortable win at two. (3-0)

George P had an up and down match playing at three. As well as he played in two of the five games, he played badly in the other three and somehow managed to contrive to lose. He later claimed that he didn’t want to give anything away in anticipation of the big masters showdown later that week between the two Chambers 3rd league sides (3-2)

Flip sneakily decided to drop himself to four in the batting order and fortunately managed to squeak through (3-0)

Good to get back into winning ways with only our second win of the season.

Overall – 14 - 3

4th LEAGUE vs Parkview

Scar on first played a tremendous match against a youngster. The first 2 games were very tight but Scar won them both. The legs then started to fail slightly and the next 2 were lost, the 4th a very close 14-16 after being 14-12 up!!. Into the 5th and Scar found his second/third/fourth wind and won the 5th comfortable 15-6. Great win.

Captain Teacock on next against a very fit Merryck, took the first, lost the second and tweaked a muscle (his story anyway). A 3-1 loss

Phil on against another youngster but same result as Captain T’s, a 3-1 loss

On last the Silver Fox having to win 3-0 for a points count against Brenton. The first game went badly with the Fox never in it. However a slowing down of the game turned the tables and the next 2 went the right way. The 4th went the way of the first but a HUGE effort in the 5th saw a 3-2 win for the Fox

Match result : 8 - 12

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 02 vs Dainfern

Sonelle played one and lost 1 - 3

Caroline won 3 - 1 at number 2

Pat won 3 - 1

Chrisna won 3 - 1

Overall result 13 - 6

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 02 vs Dainfern

Sonelle played one and lost 1 - 3

Caroline won 3 - 1 at number 2

Pat won 3 - 1

Chrisna won 3 - 1

Overall result 13 - 6

Ladies 3rd LEAGUE 01 vs Edenvale

Julie lost 0-3

Heather lost 2-3

Josephine lost 1-0

Jenny lost 0-3

Overall result: 3 - 16

11th LEAGUE vs Edenvale

Des at No4 (Still refusing to obey his C-A-P-T-A-I-N) off first, had a very easy match against an over-weight but pleasant fellow) and won in three straight sets. (15/5; 15/8 and 15/9)

John, having to play at No3 due to Des' disobedience, found it strange to suddenly be two games up without even trying! Once this clicked in his old numb skull he went to pieces and really made a meal out of the next three games going from mediocre to very poor and lost (2/3) a match that, had he stopped thinking about, would have won easily 3/0! (15/10; 15/4; 14/16; 11/15 and 11/15).

Bob playing at No2, also had an easy match taking it in 3 straight sets. (15/6; 15/7 and 16/14).

Paddy, on last at No1 had a bit of a sweat in the first game to win 15/13 and then took control and the next two 15/5 and 15/5.

Final result : 14 - 3

10th LEAGUE vs Old Eds

A bit better than last week but still not good enough

Johan C on first against George was 2 – 0 up and ahead in the 3rd looking good to close out the match but unfortunately George had misread the script and sneaked in 15 – 13 before taking the next 2 games for a 3 – 2 victory

Scores 15 -8, 15 – 13, 13 – 15, 9 – 15, 9 – 15

Johan M then came up against a running machine in the shape of Sagren losing 3 – 0.

Scores 5 – 15, 3 – 15, 11 – 15

Next was myself against Mike but the least said about this the better losing 3 – 0 (just for a change)

Scores 11 – 15, 8 – 15, 12 – 15

The last match was by far the best of the night Paul against David – a real see – saw affair with Paul winning the first game 17 – 15 losing two and three 8 – 15 and 14 – 16 before coming back to take the fourth 15 – 12. Alas he couldn’t quite maintain the momentum going down 12 – 15 in the fifth.

Great efforts from Johan C and Paul.

Final result : 416

9th LEAGUE vs Edenvale

It takes longer to say “Tweebuffelsmeteenskootgeskietfontein” than it did to finish up our matches in league on Wednesday evening. Firstly, Edenvale phoned at about 5:45pm to say that they only had three team members. Good stuff, so we were already three games ahead. But, by 6:45pm none of the remaining three team members had arrived yet. Was it to be a walkover? Not a sausage, ‘cause they arrived just before cut-off. With the late arrival we resigned ourselves to a late evening. The Chamber was humming with 4 teams playing, so we did our bit and got stuck in.

No. 3 Steph vs Christine: I didn’t get to watch this game because I was on another court at the same time, but by all accounts Steph was clinical and wrapped this one up quicker than a taxi shoots a red traffic light. I saw him briefly on one of my inter game breaks and he was very relaxed, sauntering on the court and attending the business of winning 3-0.

No. 2 Nigel vs Dean: I was up against the youthful Dean – usually their no. 3, but playing up the order because of the missing team member. In the first game he made too many mistakes and this sent him into a semi depression. He kind of gave up in the second game and in two twitches of a robin’s tail I’d taken it 15-2. Dean shook himself out of the depression long enough to make me think I was in trouble in the third game but at 9-5 up the mistakes crept back into his game and he didn’t get another point. And that was that.

No. 4 Lyal vs nobody: Lyal manned the bar for us in the absence of an opponent. And he did it ably. Lyal, I know you wanted the walkover to count towards your league stats, but morally it’s a no-no. Thanks for the support though.

No. 1 Brennan vs Rob: Brennan had come off the back of a string of 5 setter victories and was warned last week that he had to break the trend because he was eating into bar time. Obediently , he saw to it that this game only lasted 3 games. Unfortunately the 3 games belonged to his opposite number. Brennan knew he was up against it from the warm up, he just didn’t know to what extent until the match began. He was unlucky to pull the short straw and come up against the as yet unbeaten Rob. Despite playing some blinding shots and running a mini Comrades on court, his opponent kept him out of the game like the Dalai Lama is kept out of the country. With his opponent being as sneaky as an SAA CEO, Brennan wasn’t allowed to pull a game back.

And that was it. All over by 8pm. So we had a drink and caught some of the action on court 5 where 11th league were also teaching their Edenvale opposition a lesson.


No. 1 Brennan lost 0-3: 7-15; 8-15; 8-15

No. 2 Nigel won 3-0: 15-10; 15-2; 15-9

No. 3 Steph won 3-0: 15-8; 15-10; 15-12

No. 4 Lyal walked all over this one 3-0

Final result :12 - 3

8th league “B” vs. Wits

The ‘Poison Pen’s Assistant’ writes: Chamber Exiles vs ‘the Clever Boys … and girl’

Match 1: Peter Filmore vs Roy (the guy Big G beat last year thanks to some very dubious calls by marker Diggers). Roy really gave Pete F the run around and had a deadly back hand boast which bewildered Pete on many occasions. Pete F managed to take the first 17 - 15 and although we got the message to Pete to play him on his forehand, Pete mis-interpreted that Roy was ‘good’ on his forehand, so kept playing his back hand with disastrous consequences losing the next 2 games 12-15 and 8-15. However, fitness began to tell and Pete eventually won the next two 15-12 and 15-7. Result 3-2

Match 2: Pete Le Roux vs Sanjay This match started out very evenly matched, and we are not sure whether Sanjay played badly to start off and Pete played well, but as the match continued Pete lost confidence and Sanjay gained confidence, with Pete L eventually succumbing 13-15; 7-15; and 7-15. Result 0-3

Match 3 (the match of the evening). Big G vs Bongi. Now if you saw Bongi she was a 19 year old student, 4ft 8” tall and weighing 50kg … no, make that 65kg, who is obviously a product from the Geoff Hunt Academy, AND with attitude. Well, she won the warm up (by hitting 300 shots to herself, and giving me about 20 shots … probably didn’t want this 60+ year old, wearing 2 knee guards, to get too tired to give her a game). Well the match started and went point for point. First game 21 - 19 to the ‘old’ guy. Second match to Bongi 15-13 (she eventually got to counter the ‘midnight special’). By now these weary legs were beginning to wobble and so I had to resort to intimidation by querying vocally some ‘dubious’ umpiring decisions (sorry Pete L). This seemed to upset Bongi’s rhythm and I took the next 2 games 15-11 and 15-11. Result 3-1. Bongi is a wonderful player and I expect her to go far. This adds credence to the theory that ‘Age and deviousness will ALWAYS overcome youth and skill’

Well this left the state of the match at 6 all which put all the pressure on Graham V to bring home the spoils (although he didn’t inspire confidence saying the guy he was to play beat him 3 – 0 last time out).

Match 4: GV vs Mohammed. This was also a humdinger with some rallies lasting up to 100 shots or more (which will happen if you keep hitting the ball back to your opponent). GV lost the first 13-15 (playing drop shots to the forehand corner 2m above the tin didn’t help). So 7-6 down in games. Again, divine intervention was called for and GV’s superior fitness coupled with an opponent with a sore knee, saw GV taking the next 3 games 15-7; 15-6 and 18-16. Result 3-1

Retired to the Dros for Steak, egg and chips (and a few beers). Beeeaautiful!!!


No 1: Graham Vermaak vs Mohammed: 3-1

No 2: Peter Filmore vs Roy: 3-0

No 3: Peter Le Roux vs Sanjay: 0-3

No 4: Gavin Martin vs Bongi: 3-1

Match result : 12 - 7

8th League “A” vs. Wendywood

8th League “A side” home to Wendywood, 11th March 2009

Only pictures of winners!


George played well despite dozing in the third.

Pictured here with his characteristic slap of praise that nearly winded the poor oke!


Nic, fresh from ankle injury zipped past Des who looks a little surprised, no idea why!


Mark was value for money winning 3-2 after putting his opponent in the blood bin; claims he never hit him!


16 points in the bag; only Michael to play. Well what a squash balls up! He played like a peeled tomato from a can of the skinless variety. Never mind only the first game. The second game he played like frot banana and as for the third he played as if he was 23 short of a case! In the interests of clean journalism, more appropriate epithets have been deleted. A piece poor show loosing the team a valuable four points and murmurs of “you should have stayed in Angola” could be heard and the raised head from our non playing team member, babysitting Bruce, summed up the rather dismal effort by the Hunt with a “c”.

Squash Tip of the Week

You can only win if you are in front. So stay in front score-wise and court craft-wise.

#1: Mark vs. Andrew Widdell 3-2: 15-10, 7-15, 15-7, 13-15, 15-11

#2: Michael Tinashi 0-3: 5-15, 14-16, 11-15

#3: Nic vs. D Des Dumbleton 3-0: 15-13, 15-13, 15-9

#4: George vs. Shawn Ebersohn 3-1: 15-6, 15-8, 13-15, 15-10

Match score: 12 - 6

7th League vs. Bye

Although they had a bye most of the team pitched to find out who was the true No 1. Maybe Gerhard is too new to the club that he doesn’t realize the No 1 position is never sought after. Still he enjoys writing the match reports (this team makes the worst loser write the report as a reward)

Match score: 7 - 12

6th League vs Bryanston Sports


Not much too learn here other than George leaving early (match and Chambers)

AT 2 - GAVIN G- 1-3

Gavin up against a spirited youngster who moved very well. I had interviewed this guy for a job at Sable but he didn't get it

so I though that he might be a little revengeful --- so Gavin G got him !!! - captains prerogative.

AT 3 - GAVIN B - 2-3 (64/67)

Did not step up to the plate and am duly concerned of achieving more losses this year than Chris Van H normally gets.

Played a guy called Vic van Eck and thought he was a landscaper, only to get a quiet whisper that he was A MD of

a division of SERVEST that does R1.2billion in annual turnover - I was a little bit quiet after that CLANGER!


Short work of a large guy and could be heading up to the no 1 position soon.

OVERALL 7-12 and a quiet mood in the Chambers bar afterwards.

Match result : 7 - 12