Weekly Update Report

Latest positions as at 10 September are:


Ladies 4th 01 1st
Ladies 4th 02 2nd
Mens 4th 2nd
Mens 5th 4th
Mens 7th 1st
Mens 8th 2nd
Mens 9th 01 2nd
Mens 9th 02 3rd
Mens 10 th 3rd
Mens 11th 5th
Mens 12th 4th

This is not a bad set of results – with worst position being 5th.!!!!!!!!!!

12th LEAGUE vs Edenvale

Geoff at #1 started strongly and was soon leading 2-0, then let his opponent come back to level at 2-2. In the 5th he again looked strong but then finally ran out of steam and lost 2-3

Des at #2 , no lunch like last week but a couple of beers before the game, and an easy 3-0 win.

Paddy at #3 started slowly, and was down 0-2 (losing the second 0-9). Found some inner reserve, won the third 9-0 and levelled at 2-2. Like Geoff ran out of steam to lose 2-3.

John at #4 took on a youngster who could not stay as he had to study for test at school the next day. A see-saw game which could have gone either way, unfortunately not John's, and another 2-3 loss for the team.

Games were level at 9 each, Chamber won more points 120-117, but lost the important matches.

Result Loss 9-12.

Final result 9-12

11th LEAGUE vs Krugersdump

What a way to end our season. The force is strong with us. Such a shame the opponents had to come all the way from Krugersdorp to get walloped. But we will humbly accept our victory…

Playing at number 4 – Keith vs ??: won 3 – 2. Keith maintains that this is the first 5 setter that he’s played in 25 years. He was 2 – 1 down and had aggravated a hamstring injury sustained during action cricket (he’s our Mr Activity). So he heeded the advice of the gallery and just played winners for the next two games to leave a devastated opponent gasping.

Playing at number 3 – Graham vs. Phil (jnr): won 3 – 2. Graham returned straight from three weeks of gallivanting about Scotland and Spain into the thick of things. It didn’t look good at 2 – 1 down, especially as the enemy was half his age and looking strong. The wisdom of Graham’s advanced years told in the late stages of the game though as he picked Phil apart at the seams.

Playing at number 2 – Nigel vs. Collin: won 3 – 0. Collin was filling in for the regular no. 2 and never got into the game. Or maybe I was just in devastating form and mopped up before he knew which way was up.

Playing at number 1 – Phil Alves vs. Phil (snr): won 3 – 0. Phil A cruised through the first two games without breaking a sweat, but almost got a blip on his scoresheet in the final game, eventually taking it 10 – 8.

Final result: won 16 - 4

So that’s it for the season. We’ll spend the next two weeks sharpening up for Summer League.

Final result 16-4


10th league vs. Old Eds

After last week’s humiliating defeat, normality returned with a comfortable win over middle of the league Old Eds. Phil N jumped from last week’s No.4 to a more appropriate No.1 position and should have beaten his 8th league opponent but just went down in the 5th. Thomas boasted and chopped his opponent to oblivion and left him completely wrong-footed at the back of the court at the end of each (short) rally. Welcome back and well played Thomas. Dylan also made mincemeat of his opponent but kindly extended some of the rallies to make a bit of a game of it. He came off the court looking fresher than he went on to it. Phil P looked a bit out of touch and even dropped a game this week but managed to come through 3-1 to wrap up another convincing win. Nice games, nice opponents, nice win and nice dinner. This is what makes league squash fun.

  1. Phil N 2-3
  2. Dylan 3-0
  3. Phil P 3-1
  4. Thomas 3-0

Match result: 14-4

9th League B vs. Wanderers

Well this was quite easy. Two weeks ago 9A got hammered by Wanderers……..even by their own admission - which for them is saying something……. we just smashed them. It was reported by one of their team members that they had beaten all the teams in the league at least once, except for………………….yebo you guessed right.

First up was Manie Krause - now if I recall correctly he got whipped by a NZ lass last time he represented "the team to play for". So there was a touch of concern, especially after the first game, where he got moved around and got belted. But Manie is noted for "sweating" and therefore had now only 'warmed up'. Thereafter he commandeered the 'T' and proceeded to whip his oppo. 3 - 1.

Next up is our man - stand in cappy - Graham Vermaak (GV). Team chat beforehand and some coaching - all to no avail. Leading from the back he got belted 1 - 3.

'Even stevens' @ 4 all - the pressure is on - says the mighty cappy - sit back and learn was the retort.

Pure artistry - as old, bent and buckled Big 'G' Gavin Martin and the sports reporter demolished their respective oppo's 3 - 0 each. Quite spectacular except for one or two not so pretty pieces of ballet displayed by Big G.

Note: In either last weeks or the previous weeks reports, 9B's sports reporter couldn't help but notice a 'total change in attitude in 9A's report, whereby THEY (9A) are asking 9B to do them a favour - very kindly I might add - to beat "The Gestapo SS" in order to win the league. SS = Southern Suburbs.

Well now, living in Africa and complying with the traditions and nuances which we have become accustom to - it would not be unbecoming of us to request a small 'bribe' - sorry a donation, before we accept such a humongous task. After all, this is an accepted way of doing business.

Watch this space!!!

Squash Pointer

GV - when your oppo. is behind you - try the boast or drop - as currently by hitting it deep keeps him in the point - and as noted from your previous 7 consecutive losses, this is not good squash strategy!!

Match Result 13 - 5

#1 Manie 3 - 1 3 - 9, 10 - 9, 9 - 7, 9 - 7.
#2 Graham 1 - 3 3 - 9, 8 - 10, 9 - 8, 5 - 9.
#3 Digby 3 - 0 9 - 4, 9 - 6, 9 - 7.
#4 Gavin 3 - 0 9 - 2, 9 - 4, 9 - 6.

Match score: 13-5

9th League A vs. Old Parks

Well dun to the men’s 7th and ladies 4th teams for winning their leagues. A shade too many (un’s) in last week’s 7th league report; a lawyer will be reverting to the scribe when the flu has flown. To the match we turn with a little help from William.

Nic had the heart-ache and a thousand natural shocks after his flaming Greek holiday and 'tis a consummation so devoutly to be wish'd for as he ran out of oxygen, legs and shots. He wanted to die, to sleep; to sleep: perchance to dream of a win. Michael’s opponent wanted to shuffle off this mortal coil, and only the respect that makes calamity of so long life kept the oke playing. Not a track suit did Michael shed in the execution of his duties. Mark, releasing the fardels of number one quadrupled his confidence, not even raising a grunt or sweat, and exhibited the native hue of resolution, by walloping the oppo 1,1 and zero. Paul played the fair Georgina using his bare bodkin, lunging and diving all over the place, did his quietus make, taking the Nymph in three.

We wined and dined and did more of the former due to the lateness of the food at Polo Norte. Emphasis on naughty!

Squash Commentary of the Week

To B, or not to B: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?

“them” being Southern Suburbs and “to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” with help from the A side should a drumming not be forthcoming.

#1: Nic played James 1-3: 1-9, 8-10, 9-1, 9-5

#2: Paul played Georgina 3-0: 9-4, 9-3, 10-8

#3: Mark played Malcolm 3-0: 9-1, 9-1, 9-0

#4: Michael played Wayne 3-0: 9-4, 9-3, 9-4

Match score: 13-3

7th League vs Parkview

With Greatness staring us in the eye (haven't been able to say this too often), it was time to rub salt into our opponents wounds. Without Flip and Richard, we called on Ryan's services:

Ryan - 3-1

Phil - 3-0

Gavin B - 3-1

Gavin G - 1-3

OVERALL - 13-5

Our only loss this season was against Bryanston - Revenge next week

.

Match result : 13-5

5th LEAGUE vs Southern Suburbs

You may remember (in yet another galaxy far, far away) we drilled the proverbial **** out of the log-leaders and were hoping to do the double on home territory. However they were looking for revenge……………. and got it.

Feathers played first, and after a weeks training at sea-level the lack of oxygen on the Highveld hit him – not in the 3rd game as one would expect, but in the 3rd rally!!!!!!!!!!! A truly disappointing display saw Dave go down 1-3 (he didn’t deserve the 1)

Baldy took to the court next against Richard Bothwell and quickly raced into the lead, dropped the 2nd, won the 3rd to go 2-1 up. Then had match points in the 4th but couldn’t convert. Again in the 5th the match was there for the taking at 8-6, but Baldy managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Mergus went on with the firm intention of a 5 setter in training for Interprov. The skillful but shockingly unfit Kyle B had other ideas and won 3-0. Mergus had game points in the 3rd which could have swung the match but Kyle’s nicks were too good.

Yours truly, the Silver Fox went on against Kurt B also looking for a 5 setter to boost the fitness. I got to 2-1 up and 8-2 up, then let Kurt in to get back to 8-all. Having called 1, I had to argue with the ref not to give a stroke for me to let the match go to the 5th. The 5th got a bit close towards the end but an easy 10-9 win saw pride salvaged for the team.


Match Result: 6-14

4th LEAGUE vs Parkview

Well, 4th lost their first place slot last night. No BMT in this side. We were 3 points ahead of Wits going into this match, and we only managed 9 points. Wits played the other Parkview side, and beat them 14 something. This takes them to the lead by 2 points.

Our last match is against the other Parkview side, and Wits play the weak Old Eds side, which we got 16 off. We’re in real trouble here.

We still need to make up a game against the strong Old Eds side, but I think Wits do too?

Anyway, last night’s results:

Willem 0-3 cleaned up by a ringer. Willem managed 4 points.

Gary 1-3 bullied, pushed and cheated by Aiden; as was the ref.

Shaun 3-0 Against a clueless Pepe

Vevek 3-1 Held in there for a comfortable finish.

So games were the same and we counted points. Luckily Willem got 4, because we won by 4 points.

Result: 9-7

Match Result: 9-7

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 02 vs Dainfern

Lynda 3 – 2

Caroline 3 – 1

Claire 3 – 0

Pat 3 – 0

16 – 3

A great effort from the team.

Overall result 16-3

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 01 vs Old Eds

Lisa won 3-2

Julie won 3-1

Jenny lost 0-3

Megan lost 0-3

Overall result 6-11………….but hey who cares we’ve already won the league

Overall result 6-11


12th LEAGUE vs Wits

MATCH 16 - vs. WITS (Played away)

29th August 2007

No 1 - Geoff. Once again finding the No1's in 12th League pretty strong, Geoff never got into the match and was soundly beaten 0/3.

No 2 - Paddy. After a pretty slow start he found his feet and took control of the match and took the first game 9/7. The second and third games were easier and he took them with no trouble at all.

No 3 - Des. Des had been to lunch and was reeking like a winery. I think his opponent was pissed by the time the match finished. Nevertheless the team have offered to pay for him to go to lunch every Wednesday (with the same

crowd) during the league season as we have never seen Des play like this before. He total annihilated his opponent (9/0; 9/0 and 9/0). Absolutely amazing!

No 4 - Bob. Played a very nervous young student and had no problem in his 3/0 win.

RESULTS

No1- 2/9; 6/9 4/9. Lost 0/3

No2- 9/7; 9/4; 9/3. Won 3/0

No2- 9/0; 9/0; 9/0. Won 3/0

No4- 9/2; 9/6; 9/4. Won 3/0

Point - For 93; Against 53.

WON - 12-3

9th League B vs. Alberton

No report

Match score: 13-5

11th LEAGUE vs Wanderers

The euphoria of last week was short lived. After beating Wanderers on their home ground, they returned with vendetta on their minds and blackness in their hearts. And a team that was 50% different to the original – who were we to complain though, our team also had a 50% turnover.

Playing at number 1: Tom vs. Ismail: lost 2 – 3. Tom was filling in for us after a long absence from squash and started well taking the first game with his girlfriend sitting in the bleachers and cheering him on. After the end of the first game the girlfriend left and Tom’s game dived with the lack of female support losing the next. He fought back to take the third though, but lost the last two games. Mental note Tom: make sure the girl stays the entire game – no more “hockey practice”.

Playing at number 2: Nigel vs. Leon: won 3 – 0. Scoreline may be misleading as Leon retired hurt in the first game.

Playing at number 3: Greg vs. ??: lost 0 – 3. Didn’t see this game as the scribe was playing on the other court at the same time. Greg didn’t seem thrilled though, so am guessing it could’ve gone better.

Playing at number 4: Keith vs. John: lost 1 – 3. The beginning of the first game had Keith 8 – 0 down in split seconds. However, this was just Keith’s game plan and he made a remarkable comeback to take the game 10-8. Keith’s storming run came to an end here (obviously used up everything in the first game) and he lost the next three.

Final result 6-12

10th league vs. RAU

The rampant 10ths were forced to take on RAU without the leadership of their inspirational captain, Phil " the lets see how difficult I can make this match" Piper. This seemed a reasonable risk to take after all, based on their recent scintillating form, the mighty 10ths had claimed some of the biggest scalps in the league, and RAU could reasonably viewed as minnows of the league. With that in mind, having managed to found the opposition courts in the maze that is RAU, the 10ths were looking at respective ladder positions and feeling confident.

First out. Paul Dixon playing at number 2 took on a nimble youngster. A kid with a great eye, and good speed. This was then matched against Paul's greater mass and experience on the court. A clear verdict on the rugby field, but possibly less of an easy call on the squash court. The match ended up being a titan struggle, with Paul digging deep and exposing the youngsters lack of experience and tactics. Unfortunately the little sucker pipped Paul to the post, with Paul going down 3-2. A good match

Next on was Phil Norton after a lengthy lay off playing at 4, giving weak excuses about suffering from a black lung disease. Despite all the hoo haa he made fairly easy work of the youngster he was put against, despatching him 3-0. He may be required to lose his feeble excuses of illness and play at a higher number next week..

While this was happening Richard Less at 3, was involved in very close match. With the advantage constantly swinging back and forth. The match went to 5 games, with Rich eventually going down 10- 9 in the 5th. The fact that from a points perspective he won, gave some measure of the closeness of the match, but at the end of the day Chambers was still 1 match down.

There may be fines for Rich for this loss at the end of the season.

Chambers was left requiring a win from Steph playing at 1, to pull us through. It was a great match to watch with two skilful opponents working each other around the court. Unfortunately at the end of the day, the RAU player had the edge on the evening. Our man Steph was left stranded high and dry 3-0 down, with Chambers not quite sure how the minnows had halted their juggernaut momentum...

We took some solace from the greasy chips and dodgy chops they provided us for dinner, but went home, with a feeling of missed opportunities. Old Eds will feel our wrath next week.

Match result: 7-12

9th League A vs. Southern Suburbs

Here is a report of Wednesday’s game. Well done team and more of the same will see us top the league at the end of the season.

9th League A away to Southern Suburbs, 29th August 2007

Back to our winning ways, and as our Chairman commented last week this was a BEEEIG match. We beat our only rivals Southern Suburbs for the second time this season.

Michael played first against a German from Eagle (no, the oppo did not land a win) Canyon and maybe he should turn to golf. The SS were full of chirpers, however they more than met their match on court from an Ali shuffling, flobbing (floating lob), receiver of several blatantly wrong calls (from a myopic, potential Spec Savers customer, disguised as a referee), looser of retirement status (he is going back to work next month), better player. Paul, check out my dodgy, strapped up knee sustained from a knee wrenching dive last week (on court not in the pool), ran the legs off his crafty opponent who often dazzled the marker and spectators. Not with his shots but his shiny dome! Time was running out so two courts were used for the remaining matches which were both completed in double quick time. Mark “I’m fed up with being the sacrificial lamb”, met an oke that should be playing in 4th league. Mark was improving all the way and a mathematician in the crowd noted that using extrapolation he would win in 6 games time. Unfortunately we could not stay around to verify the theory as a dead, half chicken, chips, roll, salad and bevies were waiting. Simultaneously Bruce was nailing his opponent and no amount of extrapolation could ever see his opponent winning. We wish Bruce a successful completion of the XXVII Moscow International Peace Marathon on 9th September.

The league is down to a two horse race between Southern Suburbs and us. Despite thrashing them twice we are only 2 points in front of Southern Suburbs who have played one game less. We need a couple of 16’s from the remaining matches and our B side to assist us by Beating them in the last game of the season, Bomprehensively. Go for it B!

Squash Commentary of the Week

Like most other sports, squash is not just about peak, physical fitness (thank goodness) but also a mind game. To assist in the latter a few well placed, as in drops, phrases of a witty, baiting type content can help destabilise the thinking patterns and concentration of the opponent.

#1: Mark played Lee 0-3: 0-9, 3-9, 4-9

#2: Paul played Adrianne 3-2: 1-9, 9-6, 9-0, 6-9, 9-1

#3: Michael played Uwe 3-1: 9-7, 2-9, 9-5, 9-2

#4: Bruce played Brin 3-0: 9-3, 9-4, 9-1

Match score: 12-6

Note: SS stands for Southern Suburbs not “don’t mention the war” Schutzstaffel. They had their entire team including non playing members, Donald and Luigi and this was balanced out by our non playing captain George who was trying to drown his chesty bronchitis and nearly succeeded, quaffing several jars during each match.

Match score: 12-6

Post-match Comment

Well done to the 9A dream team.

In a strange twist of fate the league title is now in the hands of the 9B team.

Regards to all.

Nick (the Greek has landed).

8th League vs Winchester Hills (Postponed match)

Didn’t know what we had to do, but did it anyway, can’t get better than 16 points can you.

Manie and George P on two courts first, both don in the first, won the second and third and fourth, though Manie had to fight to win the last 10-9.

Then Duncan on against Llewellyn, 3-0 and the fourth time in 4 matches.

Finally Andy tidied up his opponent before losing the third and giving himself a lashing for it.

We spent more time at Nuno’s than on the court!. It’s taken all season but we finally got a 16 pointer. So we started one point behind Bryanston for 2nd in the league, lets hope they didn’t get 16 points too.

Match result : 16-3

7th League vs Wits

Away to Wits University B team with the sniff of a league victory in sight.

On first was InvinciPhil Maxton at 4 - Invigourated by the threat of being dropped due to giving away more than 10 points per match,

Phil cleaned up 3-0 (27-4).

Gavin B on next at 2 playing George Bowen type squash - Uninspired, unmotivated and uninvolved (sorry Doc Fallon)

Won the first game and then proceeded to fiddle around losing the next 3 games -

1-3 (25-33)

Gavin Geld at 3 showing me how to sort the students out won convincingly 3-0 (27-7)

On at 1 Rich Cilliers made me eat my words in the last match report, and pulled out a 3-0 (27-7), barely breaking a sweat.

Overall - 13-3 win

Stayed to watch Willem Ras blow a match point and go down in a 1hr45m epic (felt exhausted watching these guys cover some serious court)

Match result : 13-3


5th LEAGUE vs Edenvale


5th league cruised out to the East Rand braving storm-like traffic but eventually sailing past the Edenvale team with all the elegant ease of an expertly crewed schooner entering the fabled Riviera harbour.

Mergus on first elegantly demolished his opponent 3-0

Jeff put a slight black cloud on the horizon losing to Barry 0-3

The Silver Fox elegantly won 3-0.

Vevek battled initially to come to terms with the gale that hit him before elegantly coming from 2-0 down to win 3-0.


Match Result: 12-5

4th LEAGUE vs Wits

it was a sad night. We all lost which almost cost us our lead.

Willem 2-3 (He had a match point in the 4th.)

Gary 2-3 (From 2-0 up.)

Trevor 2-3 (From 2-0 up.)

Shaun 1-3 (His 2nd loss. Seems to be making a habit of it.)

Give us Vevek back. We were 13 points ahead of Wits going into this match. We are now only 4 points ahead.

Match Result: 7-16

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 02 vs Southern Suburbs

I am also delighted.

We did win last night but 16 -3

Lynda 3-0

Caroline 3-1

Claire 3-1

Pat 3-1

Overall result 16-3

Ladies 4th LEAGUE 01 vs Edenvale

Julie won 3-0

Nadine won 3-0

Jenny won 3-0

Chrisna lost 0-3 but she had other things on her mind so we forgive her.

overall result 12-3

Well done to the team as we have won the league, two matches to go and Old Eds suggested a walkover when I saw Linda Goldberg on Wednesday at Parkview but WE dont want penalty points.

Overall result 12-3