So, despite my appalling captaincy performance against Dainfern a few weeks ago, our illustrious leader, captain and chairman decided the best thing to do was to drop me against the upcoming Alberton match and to drop himself at the same time (well it was gonna be a tough match) and coach me in the skills of squash and man management and thereby groom me for further captaincy duties in the future. Clearly he had seen things in me that I didn't realise I had so I joyfully accepted the position of pupil in his master class until those dreaded words from Kyle came through.. "I can't play" said Kyle.. "you're in" said John....
So, with all the confidence I could muster I bravely took up the mantle and the role of captain for the night (how hard could it be) and arrived early at the courts ready to do battle in the finest tradition of Chamber Exiles and 4th "B" (in name only).
Skillfully positioning myself at 3 after summing up the opposition, I could plainly see that this captaincy thing was actually a doddle as I maneuvered myself on court first. Brimming with confidence and easily winning the knock up I then easily won the toss and I could see he was finished before we had even started. Fearlessly starting the match with a high looping lob serve which my opponent simply could not handle, and with a nonchalant nod and wink to my teammates watching, I raced off and promptly destroyed my opponent 16-14 in the first game.
Realising I had this in the bag and amid huge gales of casual laughter ringing in my ears from my new found friends and teammates I swaggered on court ready to dish out another lesson to my unworthy opponent. Heeding the jocular advice from my supportive teammates to serve a bit more and not to forget that it is actually a running game I quickly found that my opponent had heeded this advice more than me and somehow I lost the next game 15-7.. Now sweating more than I had planned to at this stage with legs a little bit rubbery, I started to feel the first icicles of fear run down my spine as my opponent finished his between game routine of multiple sit ups and push ups..
Driving myself forward now I started to get my game together again and my length and drops improved but so did my opponents effortless speed and movement around the court and I soon found myself 2-1 down losing 15-10. The 4th was pretty much a repeat of the 3rd and although at 13-13 I knew I had him, he hit a lucky cross court dead nick off the wood, and still thoroughly dazed at that unbelievable piece of bad luck, he somehow got the next point and I had lost!!! What happened..!!
Dazed and somewhat overcome by this unexpected loss I deftly reorganised my side and cleverly installed Richard on court next, to knowledgeable winks and nods from my teammates.. Our enthusiasm for this cunning maneuver was somewhat dulled when Richard lost the first game 15-5 but he then stormed back to win the next game 15-12 and with the momentum firmly in his favour he lost the next game 15-9.. So, 2-1 down and with the momentum now unfortunately in his opponents favour Richard stormed into the lead only to be pegged back and pipped at the post 17-15..
Ok, so two matches down but still two to play and a couple of 3-0's would do it for us and boy oh boy did we have the players to do that!! Nah.. we didn't.. Playing the hand I had been dealt with now I sent on the "King" to put a dent in their smug faces and show them how squash should be played.. Strangely the "King" decided to adopt the tactic of giving them a false sense of security by throwing the first game 16-14, the plan being to put his opponent to the sword in the following three games.. having lost the next game 15-1 the plan remained the same to put them to the sword in the next three games, but the "King" had never heard of the saying "don't bring a sword to a gun fight" and was dispatched in the 3rd 15-9 for a 3-0 loss...
With limited options open to me now I threw Fergus on court and reverted to pleading in order to get some form of a result from my team.. this has always served me well in the past but it was clear that Fergus needed a few tears as well as my begging and pleading, and despite prolonging my agony for three close games he ran out 3-0 down losing the 3rd 18-16..
Come back John, I really don't like this captaincy thing...
Overall result: Lost 2- 16
