So after all these years I (Ron) get elevated to the esteemed rank of captain for the night by decree of our captain (who stood down for the night because it was cold and too far to go to Dainfern).. So, bravely taking up the mantel and taking full advantage of the authority invested in me, I played myself first for once having nicked Fergus's esteemed and highly protected number 4 position. I wish to strongly deny the abhorrent rumours that I did this just because their number 4 was a young, nubile, gorgeous looking fragile thing (and yes, female), who then decided that this old toppie needed a lesson or two and firmly klapped me 3-2.. Clearly I'm no good at this captaincy thing..
Anyway, I had another opportunity to assert my authority on my team when I intervened in a nasty incident between Fergus and Nick who both wanted to go on next.. Fergus took the tack of whining that he was there before Nick and Nick, as razor sharp as always, pointed out that Fergus's opponent wasn't there earlier so he should go on next.. I insisted that we resolve this by the spinning of a racquet best of 5, so they spun it once and Nick went on next.. My pride severely bruised by such undermining of my authority I went off to sulk and shower leaving Nick moaning that he also didn't want to have to play a female.. On my return from my sulk (and shower) I noted that a very red faced and heavily sweating Nick had somehow managed to win the first game being heavily down and game points against him.. he wasn't gonna lose against a chick that was for sure.. Although the next two games were tight Nick managed to hold her off and a 3-0 win was in the bag.
Having now recovered from a severe bout of whining, Fergus now went on but it was clear it had taken it out of him, whining being such a debilitating passtime. However, there was still a spark of life in the ole boy and he bravely streaked into a 1-0 lead only to be pegged back in the next game and a sad display in the next two games saw him run out a 3-1 loss.. it was said later that he was whining his way to the changing rooms later but I find this hard to believe as he surely would have learned his lesson after such a defeat...
So now it was the turn of our esteemed number one (The King) and having managed to stop him talking to anyone and everyone around him, I pointed him to the court, put his racquet in his hand and told him to do his talking on the court and for once someone listened to me. This match was a bit of a blur to me and interspersed with intermittent whines from the change rooms and Nick prancing about in front of the court telling anyone who would listen about how he thrashed his female opponent.. It was all over pretty quickly I (think) and another handsome 3-0 victory was ours and an overall 11-6 match result..
Come back John all is forgiven...
Overall result: Won 11- 6
